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Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

Neil Clark of the Guardian is a fictional construct

I mean, what other explanation can there be for this pile of wilfully-ignorant, almost precisely wrong in every way piece of abject dross?

“The most nauseating aspect of the campaign is the way we are repeatedly told that the Iraqi interpreters worked for ‘us’.
Who exactly is meant by ‘us’? In common with millions of other Britons, I did not want the Iraq war, an illegal invasion of a sovereign state engineered and egged on by a tiny minority of fanatical neoconservatives whose first loyalty was not to Britain but to the cause of Pax Americana.”

I gave up reading the Grauniad several months ago, so I didn’t realise it had turned into a satirical journal – that’s a pretty fine pastiche of the American pro-war right’s standard version of the supposed rabid idiocy of anti-war liberals. Because, I mean come on – no one could write that sort of rubbish with a straight face and genuinely mean it, could they?

But wait – it gets better!

“The interpreters did not work for ‘us’, the British people, but for themselves – they are paid around £16 a day, an excellent wage in Iraq – and for an illegal occupying force. Let’s not cast them as heroes. The true heroes in Iraq are those who have resisted the invasion of their country.”

Yes – you did read that right. Neil Clark just called the nutters detonating car bombs in crowded markets “heroes”.


Go read it – it’s fantastic. It’s almost enough to make me want to begin to wholeheartedly support the war, donate all my savings to the Republican Party, plaster my flat with big posters of George W in flight gear, and to chemically castrate and set fire to every single liberal (whether with a small or a large “L” and in the modern and the classical senses, just to make sure) in an attempt to prevent the likes of Clark ever breeding and polluting our world with their gloriously idiotic views ever again.

In more sensible news, read Dan Hardie’s latest update on the campaign, and watch this, courtesy of the decidedly anti-war Tim Ireland (or, in Neil Clark world, Tim Rumsfeld):

See also Mr Eugenedes on the glorious Mr Clark, and if you can be bothered head over to the fiction suit’s testing ground, where the seams of self-righteousness come in for a bit of a battering, but swiftly re-assert their hold through sheer smug self-satisfaction in the knowledge that there’s not the remotest possibility of being wrong when you consider yourself the truest lefty in the world.

Oh, and note to the Guardian: if you want someone to churn out mindlessly ill-considered, utterly un-researched garbage to spew out to your hilariously bipolar online readership, both confirming the prejudices of the American right-wing trolls and acting as a fluffer to the dwindling enthusiasm of the nuttier reaches of the British left, then I offer good rates.

Neil Clark, I salute you – truly amazing levels of delusion, sir, and a wonderful contribution to neocon efforts to smear all lefties as nutters to boot…


  1. He does seem to be on a mission to piss off everyone who offers him work, doesn’t he? Remember the review of Ollie Kamm’s book he did for the Torygraph episode? Nor this at the G….guess it’ll only be the Indy returning his query letters from now on.

  2. To be fair to the Grauniad, this was only posted on Comment is Free and not in the paper itself.

  3. Let me just see if I have got this straight. You are in favour of providing sanctuary to a bunch of harkis – yes?

    When will this happen? Do you plan to withdraw them before the British army leaves? If not, how do you plan to get them out?

    If you do plan an early withdrawal for these creatures, then what you are arguing is that their lives are more important than the lives of British soldiers.

    This is rather an important point, because if the locals find out that the collaborators are leaving, then all those people who have been sitting on the fence since 2003 may just decide that now is a good time to show how patriotic they are. They might think that when the guerrillas arrive, every bugger will have to demonstrate their anti-British credentials, or face a firing squad. What better way to do it than to grab the old AK-47 and fire off a few rounds at Basra airport?

    Now, if this doesn’t matter to you, then you should say so.

  4. *Sigh*

    Yet another example of why I don’t write about Iraq very often – everyone gets all self-righteous unless you explain your entire world-view and formulate a complex alternative plan in minute detail, even when to do so would be entirely irrelevant to the main thrust of what you were originally talking about (in this case, that thrust being the callous inhumanity of a Guardian columnist rather than British/American military strategy – an altogether different subject, methinks).

    The fact that you choose to refer to the Iraqis in question as “creatures” and “Harkis” (hardly a perfect comparison, though it does suit the Clarkite “anti-Imperialist” argument perfectly) makes me assume that you’re a Clarkite. A quick check of the stats confirms it (arrival via a google blogsearch for “Neil Clark” just before 1am UK time). As such, I doubt you’ll be back, so I can’t be bothered to explain the ins and outs of the campaign (which I am merely supporting, rather than organising). For that, I suggest you check out Dan Hardie’s blog, linked above.

    Rest assured, however, that no one involved wants a repeat of the retreat from Kabul or Operation Frequent Wind. Think a well coordinated withdrawal is unlikely? I’m with you. Think it’s impossible? You’re letting your Clarkite hatred of the war cloud your judgement.

  5. “Harkis”, friend, is exactly the right word. The French left them behind; some remember seeing them running after the French army trucks during the final evacuation, on roads lined with the corpses of their comrades.

  6. Close but not quite. I found your site by accident. I was checking my hits and saw that some bugger had reached The Exile via a Google search for Neal Clark. On a whim I hit the link and found loads of folk, all screaming and howling about his piece. I clicked on a few links, and one of them led to you. I came back today because I am getting hits from this site to mine. Again, a whim.

    I don’t think that I would call myself a Clarkite, although I suspect that Neal will take the credit for all of this. Actually, I started the campaign to keep the harkis out last month. Still, so long as they end up as the original harkis did back in ’62, who cares? Neal gets to go on the talk shows and I go fishing…

    Finally, and funnily enough, I do think that a well coordinated retreat is likely. As part of the smokescreen I hope that the collaborators will be left in place. Sorry, boys, that’s life.

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