“As swift as a deer, the size of a dog, and with the head of a monkey”

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Best. Weapon. Ever. I mean, not as good/scary as “as swift as a fighter jet, the size of an elephant, and with the head of former Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett”, obviously, but still.

Sadly, however, the spoilsports of the British army have decided to deny the rumours, proving once again that war is tedious:

“We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.”

Even so, we need more of this kind of story out of Iraq. I got tired of things blowing up out there some time around about March 21st 2003 (“Shock and Awe”? Shocking bore, more like) – strange man-eating chimera beasts would certainly get me interested again. For a bit, at any rate.

(The honey badger, by the way (for it is a plague of these little buggers that’s currently attacking Basra), is the perfect animal to represent our nutty Jihadi friends: they’re utterly vicious, serve no useful purpose, are rather scary up close but decidedly comical from a distance, and are just a wee bit stupid.)

4 thoughts on ““As swift as a deer, the size of a dog, and with the head of a monkey””

  1. We are new to this world and trying to get some traction. We note that your “europhobism” is merely one of many expressions of angst – there is plenty in all Euro-anxiousness to go around. Come have a poke around….

  2. “They say it’s as big as four cats, and it’s got a retractable leg so that it can leap up at you better. And do you know what Ted, it lights up at night, and em, it’s got four ears; two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back up ears. And its claws are as big as cups and for some reason it’s got a tremendous fear of stamps and Mrs. Doyle was telling me it has a magnets on its tail so if you are made out of metal it can attach onto you and instead of a mouth it has four arses.”

  4. We are grateful that you have restored our faith in Mr. Davis, MP – however, we are even more grateful that you cleared up the fact that there are more than one individual in the UK with such a wonderfully alliterative name! We hope one day to list them all.

    We are also grateful for the vote of support! keep checking back and hopefully, we’ll last as long as an EP translation process.