In the UK, for the last couple of weeks it’s been all but impossible to avoid discussing the brain-dead actions of a small group of social outcasts locked in a garish TV studio that’s been converted into a televised zoo. You don’t need to have watched the thing to have an opinion, and mine has largely been to rivise my previous dislike of clusterbombing unarmed civilians

In Germany, meanwhile, they’ve been getting all excited about a dog who can balance a glass of water on its head. Again, there’s no need to see it to know that that’s bloody brilliant.

But as I’m so nice, I done gone tracked it down on You Tube for your delectation. Watch this, and tell me the world wouldn’t be a better place if Channel 4 was forced to replace Big Brother with rolling footage of abnormally trained animals.

Hideous screeching harpies launching entirely unjustified attacks on their betters, or dogs with low-key party tricks? No contest, is there? Germany here I come – to take the talented mutt across the border and buy that pooch a pint.